I’ve been writing. Trying to write my way out of the current slump. It’s my go-to activity when I’m feeling lost. It’s a good therapy, I always find that there’s more to my current state of mind than I thought.
I’m not sure that my initial conclusions were particularly helpful. It’s clear that doing nothing and getting nowhere is far more satisfying than working your butt off and getting nowhere. In the first case, you can blame your lack of progress on the fact that nobody knows about you. Nothing wrong with that. In the second case, you are forced to conclude that the world knows about you, but doesn’t like what you’ve got to offer. That’s pretty demoralising. The logical conclusion is to stop working before your repeated failure depresses you to death, and instead take refuge in whiling away the hours doing something else.
As I say, I’m not sure that’s particularly helpful in the current situation.
So what am I going to do? Well, I’m going to face the problem head-on. Specifically, I’m going tackle all those things on the things-I-don’t-want-to-do list I’ve just written. None of them are going to earn me any money. They’ll likely just make me feel even more like I’m useless and wasting my time, but there’s plenty of them, and they should keep me occupied until next Thursday. I’ll do the Zen thing, and focus on having accomplished them, rather than hoping for any particular outcome. Next Thursday is my personal carrot. That’s the day I leave for Christmas with the family.