Well, this blog was supposed to chart the ups and downs of establishing the business, and right now it’s a pretty big downer. I much prefer writing about the ups, but at the moment there aren’t any.
I should be happy. After several weeks of full-on work, I’ve got nothing to do. But instead of going out and enjoying the sunny weather and taking advantage of the down time I flump around the house, waiting for something to happen. I hate it hate it hate it. I could be doing useful background work like researching translation tools or working on my website, but I don’t want to. Like a kid during the summer holidays I’m bored, but I don’t want to do anything. It’s so hard to keep going when there’s no obvious reward. Where’s my self-discipline? Where’s my initiative? Where’s my passion for my work? Why don’t I just go out and get a job?
People who have a job have it soooo easy. They don’t have to figure out what to next and then summon up the energy to do it. If they sit around all day playing cards their boss is going to be on their case pretty quick. Not mine. I can play cards all day long if I want, and nobody will care. It doesn’t help that Chewy’s away at the moment. Much as I like to think I’m invincible I think I go a bit loopy when I’m left in the house on my own for too long. Sometimes I wonder if I haven’t got an undiagnosed mental illness – a touch of bipolar disorder perhaps?
I long for stability, predictability, routine. I just want somebody to send me an article to be translated once a week, 48 weeks of the year, and that would do me fine. Instead it’s feast or famine. Feasting I can do. It’s hard work, but that’s ok. Famine really gets me down. I need to find an ongoing background project that I can use to fill in the gaps when there’s nothing else on. Something that will take ages, like translating the Bible or something. Hmm. Maybe not the Bible.
At Christmas, I read a book called ‘Who Moved My Cheese‘. I highly recommend it, it’s a fantastic little book about finding your way in life, and today when I asked myself, ‘What am I doing? Where am I going?’ the answer came to me. I’m looking for my cheese!